my escape!!!

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Friday, June 25, 2010

NEW BLOG!!!! lol

i have like 33 on here sooo i was like...yaaa need to make another.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

in a song...

"if you're tossin and you're turnin and you just can't fall asleep,
I'll sing a song beside you
And if you ever forget how much you mean to me,
Everyday I will remind you"
:) -i love this-


i cant wait to get back.....
i want my bed.....
i want the food i love.....
i want to hang with my friends.....
i want to go swimming......
i want hugs.....
alot of wants...blah

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Weightless by All Time Low

Mangage me i'm a mess
Turn a page, im a book
Half unread

Iwanna be laughed at
Laughed with,just because

I wanna feel weightless
And that should be enough

Well i'm suck in this fucking rut
Waiting on a second hand pick me up
And i'm over, getting older

If i could just find the time
Then i would never let another day go by
I'm over, getting old

Maybe it's not my weekend
but it's gonna be my year
And i'm so sick of watching the minutes pass as i go kno nowhere
And this is my reaction
To everything I fear
cause i've been going crazy I don't want to waste another minute here

Make believe that I impress
That every word
By design
Turns a head

I wanna feel reckless
I wanna live it up,just because

I wanna feel weightless
Cause that should be enough

If I could just find the time
Then I would never let another day go by
I'm over, getting old

Maybe it's not my weekend
but it's gonna be my year
And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere
And this is my reaction
To everything I fear
Cause I've been going crazy I don't want to waste another minute here

This could be all that I've waitied for
(waited,I've waited for)
And this could be everything
I don't wanna dream anymore

Maybe it's not my weekend
But it's gonna be my year
And I've been going crazy
I'm stuck in here

Maybe it's not my weekend
But it's gonna be my year (it's gonna be my year)
And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as i go nowhere(go nowhere)
And this is my reaction
To everything I fear (everything I fear)
Cause I've been going crazy I don't want to waste another minute here

Sunday, June 20, 2010

i may be single on the outside....but im takin at heart

fuck relationships
i dont need one
yea i might want someone
to hold me
tell me everything is gonna be ok
love me for me
handle me at best or worse
but...i have friends for that
friends seem to stay longer than relationships
i love my friends, and always will
layla,becca,and timmy
love u three to death
u care bout me, and put up with my stupid ass
lol and u all have been with me through my moments of break down
different times but still
i cherish every moment with u guys
i hope i never loose either one of u
and even kevin my zombie psycho
even though i just kinda met u
u can make me laugh even when im soo pissed off
and wats funny is..u dont even kno it lol
i hope we grow closer...
i may be single on the outside...but im takin at heart
p.s. only negative.....i cant kiss any of u lol (well i dont think i can)
i can do this.....
just gotta keep tellin my self that
and believe it
gotta believe that i have pple who will catch me if i fall
im stronger than im acting...i kno it
i cant keep putting myself down
and wanting to hurt me
im not just that person
i mess up and make mistakes
thats ok.....i think
i have sooo much anger inside me
and sadness
but im gettin 2ware i dont see the difference
like its all turning into anger....
i just want it gone!!!

Friday, June 18, 2010

***242643 66 843 467433 668 688***

why do i seem like such an angry person?
i should be happy...and not worring so much
or bein scared....
thats all thats on the inside it seems
i dont like torchering myself or watever i do
last night i told my friends goodnight at like 3
then i cryed my eyes out for almost half an hour
and i dont kno why....
maybe it was frustration,stress....idk
i just want to be happy,get sleep,and enjoy life
and ill get there...just gotta get through my frustrating times
and thoughts
im not gonna be like this my whole life...and i dont wanna be
ill fight through my own battles,
climb up my rough times,
and settle in my happy moments
cherish everyone.....

DAMN IT!!!!!????

soooo many thoughts
soooo many wonders
soooo many descisions
to much damn thinkin!!!!
wat the hell!!!???
i need freakin answers
or a reality check?
i want to party xP
i want to relax :)
i want sleep zzz
DAMN IT!!!!!
(thats like my fav thing to say now)

Wednesday, June 16, 2010


kinda startin to get pissed
but im waitin before i explode
but on goodside i made a new friend
he pretty kool,and highlarious
and goin there
i really wanna go home and get all this shit outta my mind
so many freakin wants and needs
just wants to have fun
and not worry

Saturday, June 12, 2010

WHY CANT I BE HAPPY!!!!!!!?????

DAMN IT.....
GOD!!!! DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!


yea so things didnt go as good
definatly so close on givin up on relationships
and feel like i really am ment to be alone
and like i said before......
the ones who keep it in never feel the same
but hey at least its not new to me
i either get with one and they are jerks
or i like them and they dont feel the same
and i feel like such a fuckin idiot
every time things go good they ALWAYS blow up in my face
i actually thought things were gettin better for me

Thursday, June 10, 2010

dad..yet again

i love u...but do u honestly love me?
i would have liked to stay with u
until u started treatin me like im a dissapointment
until u kicked me out
and even when my mom and i were gonna loose the house
u said me goin to live with u was out of the option
u make it like stuff u say doesnt hurt my feelings
just cause u tell my mom doesnt mean i wont kno
and wat irrates me the most is
u kick me out, but expect me to visit u anytime u want me to
i tryed to become closer and we've gottin better
but i dont think u will ever be able except the real me....
i wish u would...i would love to be close with u thought or maybe its feelings? who knos...

some seem as though everything is ok
even when it isnt even close
they hold it in until they cant take it any more
they are practicly choking themselves in their own thoughts
some just blurt all there problems out
they expect other people to deal with them
they cant deal with there own problems
some talk but keep most in
they dont like to completely cover up
why act like somethin your not
some keep it in, only everyone can see their hurting
they dont trust anyone really
and their scared to face the facts
some hurt so much and keep it in
that they end up hurting them selves at some point
because its easier to hurt the person they think is doing it all
than to take it out on others....
some only tell the people they trust
but everytime that happens either everyone knos
or they dont tell you their real opinion cause their scared
some act like they got it all under control
like they dont need anyone or maybe their scared
in the end...
really everyone one is hurting
really everyone keeps somethin in
really eveyone lies to them selves
really nobody will face the facts
really nobody can handle the truth
so...were all helpless people
all drowning in our sorrows,
"happyness", lies.......

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


im happy
still got somethings botherin me
but ill live
love my friends
love food
love havin fun
things are gettin better at home
doin some fun,awesome stuff at my brothers
tired as hell though...hahaha
wants to go on an adventure
or just a long walk
anyone wanna join??!! :D

Monday, June 7, 2010

im goin in sane, i think XP

damn it.
i swore to myself
i wouldnt write about u
but here i am, AGAIN
see im happy
but yet confusedish
im tryin not to say certain things
well...more than once
i wanna say i miss u
but i dont think i should
im kinda at a loss of words
im tanglin in my owns thoughts
and swirling around and around
on you....
sometimes i think i say to much
especially on here
its just hard to not express in words
and im not very good at catching myself
before i say somethin. goin in sane, i think xP


every night i go through the same thing
so exhausted
so tired
but cant get to sleep
its like somethin makes me stay up
yea i text my friends
but it still takes me forever to get asleep
sometimes...i just wanna sleep all day
maybe i have nightmares
or maybe im scared to go to sleep
i think i dont wanna go to sleep alone
and wants to kno when i wake up someone is next to me
i yawn like crazy
i might have a sleeping problem

my break through!!! lmao

for once i really dont have much to say
its a break through!!
im at a loss of words....kinda lol
2day is not one of my expressing days
its my fun day...well hopefully
kinda feels like gettin payback
but idk on what
and ive learned i do have some patience
or maybe i really do wanna wait as much as i thought i did proud of myself
i do have a loving,patient,waiting,wantin a real relationship side!!!
yay!!! lol :D

Friday, June 4, 2010


what the hell is wrong with me?
i feel like everything is
getting ruined
when really things are getting better
it doesnt make any since
why do i do this to myself?
i feel like i need to cry my eyes out
over what?
i have kno clue
maybe i need sleep?
idk...i think ill feel better 2morrow
maybe im frustrated cause
i have to visit my dad in july
i wanna see my friends
im bored

hate bein a girl sometimes......

i feel like im
trying for nothing
thinking to much
i kinda feel like
im gettin worked up
just to get shut down
im scared im
gonna loose u
even just as a friend
i always feel like
i did somethin
or not enough
or said somethin stupid
i hate being a girl sometimes


im scared
im nervous
im worried
i care, maybe to much
i wonder alot
i wish some how i had all the answers
i wish i knew what to do
i wish i knew what not to do
what not to say
what to say
im curious bout u
maybe i need to stop?
i wish i knew how you felt
as much as u know how i do
its crazy that i can just keep writting about u
i guess its easier
u scare the crap outta me sometimes
but its ok i kno u dont mean to
or realize u do until i tell u
but im always here......
even if u dont want me 2

Thursday, June 3, 2010

becca!!! xP

becca i loves you!!
when have been through alot
but we always stay friends
i love our
silly moments
food crazz
long nights
monster obsession
our skippin days
talking bout hattin pple
talkin bout who gets on our nerves
i mss you soooo much
cant wait to see u
love your best bud :D

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

there are different me' seems

im this person that layla sees
all sides...the real me
im this person near becca
super hyper,crazy,real me
but have my annoying hattin moments with
main friends
pain in ass, crazy and silly, sarcastic
this person with timmy
another side of me, nervous, and silly
with hyper moments
im this person with pple i hate
mean and really sarcastic and threating
im this person near my dad
fake and wanting to punch him
im this person with my mom
talkitive and a part of me
on the inside im
a hurt,pained girl
been through alot
i have my own inside on things
im a nice person and mean at times
im truthful
but is that really me?
or is there more cause im always different
with different pple
i dont mean to but it kinda seems to be that way
atleast i think it does?
maybe those all are me just in different ways

Monday, May 31, 2010

just wanna get up and go

i wish i could drive
i would drive and drive
i dont care where just outta here
escape anything
and everything
driven down the road
music blaring
windows down
eating what ever the hell i want
drinking what ever the hell i want
and do what ever the hell i want
just wanna get away
anyone wanna join?


i think im home sick friends sick lol
i love visiting family and all
but ugh!!
one of my brothers doesnt even spend time with me
hes always freakin workin
i wish i could freakin drive
such boredum!!
and i feel like crap!!
and cant stop posting stupid blogs!!!

KEVIN!!!! lmao...

your so
keep dyin
hard to understand sometimes
i like it :D
its interestin,and ur a kool friend

ugh...relationships, why cant i get one!!!???

why cant I find him?
I just want someone who wants me for me
not to fuck me
not to want what they think they can have
I mean yea eventually
or they can keep it to them selves
at least for a while
I wanna be loved
I dont wanna be alone
I wanna be cared for
maybe i have to many wants
Idk, anymore
maybe I should just give up
maybe Im suppose to be alone
I need answers
maybe I have to many questions
Im almost to the point of
fuck guys, I dont need one
even the ones that do hide it or whatever
never feel the same
I really hope I find you soon
maybe I have......Idk

Sunday, May 30, 2010

i miss you.......idk who

I hate how you make me feel,
I hate how you make me nervous,
I hate that I cant get you outta my head,
I hate that I miss you
I love the way you make me laugh,
I love how happy I get just when you text me,
I love how I can talk to you all day,
I love the way you make me smile by the smallest things you say
In the end Im just happy we met
you dont realize how much of a difference my day can be if I dont talk to you
my mood is different,
I feel different,
sometimes I even feel empty
I cant believe you make this much of a difference
i didnt mean for iit to turn out this way


Wednesday, May 26, 2010

random thoughts

secret get away
gettin drunk
actin stupid
the past
hurting me
the hard times
the fun times
falling in
falling for
my friends
the dude
how alone i feel sometimes
how happy i am sometimes
who i am
(will add more)

my place....

my place is filled with
music...of course
my true friends....who wouldnt
and good times.
but when i go there i wanna live there
its like my dream world
sometimes i love it so much i dont wanna wake up
or come back to reality
i like how something different always happens
but when i go back to reality
deep down
i just want to tear everything down
waist my life away
give up
but i know i can get through it
as long as someones there willing to stay beside me
does that make any since?

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

layla :D

my bud layla
i use to think u hated me
then we became IM buddies
and one day i just came over
your easy to talk to
and i can tell u anything
u always understand or feel the same
i love ur crazy side i see once in a while
ur the first person to ever have a BFC with
u can be kinda blah at times but who isnt
i love how im ur chief hahaha
love our
late nights
sneak outs
food craz
monster obsession
sex wanters jk
and watever else i cant think of
thnx for always being there even if u your busy
i love you!!!! :D


sometimes i feel lost
like everythin i once new is gone
everyone i use to know i dont know anymore
my thoughts keep choking me
and replaying over and over in my head
my past wont leave it keeps haunting me
sometimes i just wanna party or do somethin stupid
just to forget my thoughts
even for a second i would love to
i feel like people hate me or dont care what happens
i try to please them
i try to help
i try to care
but they just push me away
or just take what they want
i keep waitin for happy times
when they come they always blow up in my face
i just want to feel
cared for
most of all not alone

my dad...fuck u

u hurt me through k-8 physically
u loosined up and not as much 6-8
and we moved to florida
and i didnt fit ur stupid standards
u said i had a demon in me
and that i couldnt follow ur rules
so u kicked me out
i live with my mom now
things were pretty good between us
distance wise but u just keep fuckin it up
or maybe ur right im the one who has the problem
and maybe i do have depression
but i blame it on u
u treat me like shit
like im a fuckin doll
u do the same to my brothers
u say u believe in god
u act like it but not towards us
i fuckin hate u
i still love u but not very strong
i could careless about u
just like u are with me
i dont think we will ever be close
u say let go of the past and all the stuff u did 2 me
but why? when u still threatin me with shit
i kno i make mistakes and im pretty fucked up with crap
but im not the only one
when ur ready to actually try and not blame it all on me
im here....i guess

my fucked up love

u said u loved me
u said u cared
wat u said was a lie
u hurt me
u made me cry
i believed all your lies
but u dont care
or never did
i dont care any more
ur not a part of my life
and will never be again
i trusted u
now i know the truth
u were never worth the time i took

my new feeling

we use to slightly talk
and give hugs everyonce in a while
i felt somethin but never had the guts
now were alot closer
i trust you with so much
i kinda have crush
but im willing to wait
see where we go
even if it stays just friends
im startin to realize
how much i care
how much i worry
bout u
idk why i just do
u kno im always here
for anythin u need