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Friday, June 25, 2010

NEW BLOG!!!! lol

i have like 33 on here sooo i was like...yaaa need to make another.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

in a song...

"if you're tossin and you're turnin and you just can't fall asleep,
I'll sing a song beside you
And if you ever forget how much you mean to me,
Everyday I will remind you"
:) -i love this-

missing....

I MISS YOU GUYS.......
i cant wait to get back.....
i want my bed.....
i want the food i love.....
i want to hang with my friends.....
i want to go swimming......
i want hugs.....
alot of wants...blah

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Weightless by All Time Low

Mangage me i'm a mess
Turn a page, im a book
Half unread

Iwanna be laughed at
Laughed with,just because

I wanna feel weightless
And that should be enough

Well i'm suck in this fucking rut
Waiting on a second hand pick me up
And i'm over, getting older

If i could just find the time
Then i would never let another day go by
I'm over, getting old

Maybe it's not my weekend
but it's gonna be my year
And i'm so sick of watching the minutes pass as i go kno nowhere
And this is my reaction
To everything I fear
cause i've been going crazy I don't want to waste another minute here

Make believe that I impress
That every word
By design
Turns a head

I wanna feel reckless
I wanna live it up,just because

I wanna feel weightless
Cause that should be enough

If I could just find the time
Then I would never let another day go by
I'm over, getting old

Maybe it's not my weekend
but it's gonna be my year
And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere
And this is my reaction
To everything I fear
Cause I've been going crazy I don't want to waste another minute here

This could be all that I've waitied for
(waited,I've waited for)
And this could be everything
I don't wanna dream anymore

Maybe it's not my weekend
But it's gonna be my year
And I've been going crazy
I'm stuck in here

Maybe it's not my weekend
But it's gonna be my year (it's gonna be my year)
And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as i go nowhere(go nowhere)
And this is my reaction
To everything I fear (everything I fear)
Cause I've been going crazy I don't want to waste another minute here

Sunday, June 20, 2010

i may be single on the outside....but im takin at heart

fuck relationships
i dont need one
yea i might want someone
to hold me
tell me everything is gonna be ok
love me for me
handle me at best or worse
but...i have friends for that
friends seem to stay longer than relationships
i love my friends, and always will
layla,becca,and timmy
love u three to death
u care bout me, and put up with my stupid ass
lol and u all have been with me through my moments of break down
different times but still
i cherish every moment with u guys
i hope i never loose either one of u
and even kevin my zombie psycho
even though i just kinda met u
u can make me laugh even when im soo pissed off
and wats funny is..u dont even kno it lol
i hope we grow closer...
i may be single on the outside...but im takin at heart
p.s. only negative.....i cant kiss any of u lol (well i dont think i can)
i can do this.....
just gotta keep tellin my self that
and believe it
gotta believe that i have pple who will catch me if i fall
im stronger than im acting...i kno it
i cant keep putting myself down
and wanting to hurt me
im not just that person
i mess up and make mistakes
thats ok.....i think
i have sooo much anger inside me
and sadness
but im gettin 2ware i dont see the difference
like its all turning into anger....
i just want it gone!!!
fuck....:(

Friday, June 18, 2010

***242643 66 843 467433 668 688***

why do i seem like such an angry person?
i should be happy...and not worring so much
or bein scared....
thats all thats on the inside it seems
i dont like torchering myself or watever i do
last night i told my friends goodnight at like 3
then i cryed my eyes out for almost half an hour
and i dont kno why....
maybe it was frustration,stress....idk
i just want to be happy,get sleep,and enjoy life
and ill get there...just gotta get through my frustrating times
and thoughts
im not gonna be like this my whole life...and i dont wanna be
ill fight through my own battles,
climb up my rough times,
and settle in my happy moments
cherish everyone.....

DAMN IT!!!!!????

soooo many thoughts
soooo many wonders
soooo many descisions
to much damn thinkin!!!!
wat the hell!!!???
i need freakin answers
or a reality check?
hahaha......
i want to party xP
i want to relax :)
i want sleep zzz
DAMN IT!!!!!
(thats like my fav thing to say now)

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

blah....

kinda startin to get pissed
but im waitin before i explode
but on goodside i made a new friend
he pretty kool,and highlarious
and cute...na..not goin there
i really wanna go home and get all this shit outta my mind
so many freakin wants and needs
just wants to have fun
and not worry

Saturday, June 12, 2010

WHY CANT I BE HAPPY!!!!!!!?????

FUCK!!!!!
FUCK,FUCKIN EVERYTHING!!!
IM BACK TO FUCKIN SQUARE ONE
DAMN IT.....
I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY
BUT NO THAT CANT FUCKIN HAPPEN
CAUSE EVERYTIME IT DOES
IT GETS FUCKIN RUINED
NOT JUST GUYS RUIN IT
ITS LIKE IM NOT MENT TO BE HAPPY
MAYBE IM FUCKIN DEPRESSED
GOD!!!! DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK EVERYTHING!!!!
I HOPE I GET OVER THIS STUPID SHIT!!!!
IM SICK OF FEELING LIKE THIS!!!!
I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED
AND FEEL LIKE SOMEBODY ACTUALLY CARES!!!
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
SHIT...
I FEEL LIKE IM GONNA GO BACK
TO HOW I DELT WITH MY PAIN BEFORE
BUT I KNO ITS NOT THE RIGHT WAY
UGH!!!!!

FUCK RELATIONSHIPS

yea so things didnt go as good
definatly so close on givin up on relationships
and feel like i really am ment to be alone
and like i said before......
the ones who keep it in never feel the same
but hey at least its not new to me
i either get with one and they are jerks
or i like them and they dont feel the same
and i feel like such a fuckin idiot
every time things go good they ALWAYS blow up in my face
i actually thought things were gettin better for me
FUCK!!!!!!!!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

dad..yet again

i love u...but do u honestly love me?
i would have liked to stay with u
until u started treatin me like im a dissapointment
until u kicked me out
and even when my mom and i were gonna loose the house
u said me goin to live with u was out of the option
u make it like stuff u say doesnt hurt my feelings
just cause u tell my mom doesnt mean i wont kno
and wat irrates me the most is
u kick me out, but expect me to visit u anytime u want me to
i tryed to become closer and we've gottin better
but i dont think u will ever be able except the real me....
i wish u would...i would love to be close with u

life.....my thought or maybe its feelings? who knos...

some seem as though everything is ok
even when it isnt even close
they hold it in until they cant take it any more
they are practicly choking themselves in their own thoughts
some just blurt all there problems out
they expect other people to deal with them
they cant deal with there own problems
some talk but keep most in
they dont like to completely cover up
why act like somethin your not
some keep it in, only everyone can see their hurting
they dont trust anyone really
and their scared to face the facts
some hurt so much and keep it in
that they end up hurting them selves at some point
because its easier to hurt the person they think is doing it all
than to take it out on others....
some only tell the people they trust
but everytime that happens either everyone knos
or they dont tell you their real opinion cause their scared
some act like they got it all under control
like they dont need anyone or maybe their scared
in the end...
really everyone one is hurting
really everyone keeps somethin in
really eveyone lies to them selves
really nobody will face the facts
really nobody can handle the truth
so...were all helpless people
all drowning in our sorrows,
"happyness", lies.......

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

happy....:D

wooo......
im happy
still got somethings botherin me
but ill live
love my friends
love food
love havin fun
things are gettin better at home
doin some fun,awesome stuff at my brothers
tired as hell though...hahaha
wants to go on an adventure
or just a long walk
anyone wanna join??!! :D

Monday, June 7, 2010

im goin in sane, i think XP

damn it.
i swore to myself
i wouldnt write about u
but here i am, AGAIN
hahahahahaha
see im happy
but yet confusedish
im tryin not to say certain things
well...more than once
i wanna say i miss u
but i dont think i should
im kinda at a loss of words
im tanglin in my owns thoughts
and swirling around and around
on you....
sometimes i think i say to much
especially on here
its just hard to not express in words
and im not very good at catching myself
before i say somethin.
lol....im goin in sane, i think xP

CANT GET ANY FREAKIN SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!

every night i go through the same thing
so exhausted
so tired
hopin
but cant get to sleep
its like somethin makes me stay up
yea i text my friends
but it still takes me forever to get asleep
sometimes...i just wanna sleep all day
maybe i have nightmares
or maybe im scared to go to sleep
idk.....
i think i dont wanna go to sleep alone
and wants to kno when i wake up someone is next to me
i yawn like crazy
i might have a sleeping problem
idk....hahaha

my break through!!! lmao

wow
for once i really dont have much to say
its a break through!!
woo!
im at a loss of words....kinda lol
2day is not one of my expressing days
its my fun day...well hopefully
kinda feels like gettin payback
but idk on what
lol
and ive learned i do have some patience
or maybe i really do wanna wait as much as i thought i did
hehehe....so proud of myself
i do have a loving,patient,waiting,wantin a real relationship side!!!
yay!!! lol :D

Friday, June 4, 2010

wtf???!!!!

what the hell is wrong with me?
i feel like everything is
crashing
getting ruined
when really things are getting better
it doesnt make any since
why do i do this to myself?
i feel like i need to cry my eyes out
over what?
i have kno clue
maybe i need sleep?
idk...i think ill feel better 2morrow
maybe im frustrated cause
i have to visit my dad in july
i wanna see my friends
im bored
maybe.....

hate bein a girl sometimes......

i feel like im
overreacting
trying for nothing
thinking to much
i kinda feel like
im gettin worked up
just to get shut down
im scared im
gonna loose u
even just as a friend
i always feel like
i did somethin
or not enough
or said somethin stupid
really......
i hate being a girl sometimes

!!!???.....

im scared
im nervous
im worried
i care, maybe to much
i wonder alot
i wish some how i had all the answers
i wish i knew what to do
i wish i knew what not to do
what not to say
what to say
im curious bout u
maybe i need to stop?
idk....
i wish i knew how you felt
as much as u know how i do
its crazy that i can just keep writting about u
i guess its easier
u scare the crap outta me sometimes
but its ok i kno u dont mean to
or realize u do until i tell u
but im always here......
even if u dont want me 2

Thursday, June 3, 2010

becca!!! xP

becca i loves you!!
when have been through alot
but we always stay friends
i love our
crazyness
silly moments
food crazz
long nights
monster obsession
our skippin days
talking bout hattin pple
talkin bout who gets on our nerves
i mss you soooo much
cant wait to see u
love your best bud :D

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

there are different me's......it seems

im this person that layla sees
all sides...the real me
im this person near becca
super hyper,crazy,real me
but have my annoying hattin moments with
main friends
pain in ass, crazy and silly, sarcastic
this person with timmy
another side of me, nervous, and silly
with hyper moments
im this person with pple i hate
mean and really sarcastic and threating
im this person near my dad
fake and wanting to punch him
im this person with my mom
talkitive and a part of me
on the inside im
a hurt,pained girl
been through alot
i have my own inside on things
im a nice person and mean at times
im truthful
but is that really me?
or is there more cause im always different
with different pple
i dont mean to but it kinda seems to be that way
atleast i think it does?
maybe those all are me just in different ways
idk?