blah....

kinda startin to get pissed
but im waitin before i explode
but on goodside i made a new friend
he pretty kool,and highlarious
and cute...na..not goin there
i really wanna go home and get all this shit outta my mind
so many freakin wants and needs
just wants to have fun
and not worry

WHY CANT I BE HAPPY!!!!!!!?????

FUCK!!!!!
FUCK,FUCKIN EVERYTHING!!!
IM BACK TO FUCKIN SQUARE ONE
DAMN IT.....
I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY
BUT NO THAT CANT FUCKIN HAPPEN
CAUSE EVERYTIME IT DOES
IT GETS FUCKIN RUINED
NOT JUST GUYS RUIN IT
ITS LIKE IM NOT MENT TO BE HAPPY
MAYBE IM FUCKIN DEPRESSED
GOD!!!! DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK EVERYTHING!!!!
I HOPE I GET OVER THIS STUPID SHIT!!!!
IM SICK OF FEELING LIKE THIS!!!!
I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED
AND FEEL LIKE SOMEBODY ACTUALLY CARES!!!
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
SHIT...
I FEEL LIKE IM GONNA GO BACK
TO HOW I DELT WITH MY PAIN BEFORE
BUT I KNO ITS NOT THE RIGHT WAY
UGH!!!!!

FUCK RELATIONSHIPS

yea so things didnt go as good
definatly so close on givin up on relationships
and feel like i really am ment to be alone
and like i said before......
the ones who keep it in never feel the same
but hey at least its not new to me
i either get with one and they are jerks
or i like them and they dont feel the same
and i feel like such a fuckin idiot
every time things go good they ALWAYS blow up in my face
i actually thought things were gettin better for me
FUCK!!!!!!!!

dad..yet again

i love u...but do u honestly love me?
i would have liked to stay with u
until u started treatin me like im a dissapointment
until u kicked me out
and even when my mom and i were gonna loose the house
u said me goin to live with u was out of the option
u make it like stuff u say doesnt hurt my feelings
just cause u tell my mom doesnt mean i wont kno
and wat irrates me the most is
u kick me out, but expect me to visit u anytime u want me to
i tryed to become closer and we've gottin better
but i dont think u will ever be able except the real me....
i wish u would...i would love to be close with u

life.....my thought or maybe its feelings? who knos...

some seem as though everything is ok
even when it isnt even close
they hold it in until they cant take it any more
they are practicly choking themselves in their own thoughts
some just blurt all there problems out
they expect other people to deal with them
they cant deal with there own problems
some talk but keep most in
they dont like to completely cover up
why act like somethin your not
some keep it in, only everyone can see their hurting
they dont trust anyone really
and their scared to face the facts
some hurt so much and keep it in
that they end up hurting them selves at some point
because its easier to hurt the person they think is doing it all
than to take it out on others....
some only tell the people they trust
but everytime that happens either everyone knos
or they dont tell you their real opinion cause their scared
some act like they got it all under control
like they dont need anyone or maybe their scared
in the end...
really everyone one is hurting
really everyone keeps somethin in
really eveyone lies to them selves
really nobody will face the facts
really nobody can handle the truth
so...were all helpless people
all drowning in our sorrows,
"happyness", lies.......

happy....:D

wooo......
im happy
still got somethings botherin me
but ill live
love my friends
love food
love havin fun
things are gettin better at home
doin some fun,awesome stuff at my brothers
tired as hell though...hahaha
wants to go on an adventure
or just a long walk
anyone wanna join??!! :D

im goin in sane, i think XP

damn it.
i swore to myself
i wouldnt write about u
but here i am, AGAIN
hahahahahaha
see im happy
but yet confusedish
im tryin not to say certain things
well...more than once
i wanna say i miss u
but i dont think i should
im kinda at a loss of words
im tanglin in my owns thoughts
and swirling around and around
on you....
sometimes i think i say to much
especially on here
its just hard to not express in words
and im not very good at catching myself
before i say somethin.
lol....im goin in sane, i think xP