my escape!!!

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Monday, May 31, 2010

just wanna get up and go

i wish i could drive
i would drive and drive
i dont care where just outta here
escape anything
and everything
driven down the road
music blaring
windows down
eating what ever the hell i want
drinking what ever the hell i want
and do what ever the hell i want
just wanna get away
anyone wanna join?


i think im home sick friends sick lol
i love visiting family and all
but ugh!!
one of my brothers doesnt even spend time with me
hes always freakin workin
i wish i could freakin drive
such boredum!!
and i feel like crap!!
and cant stop posting stupid blogs!!!

KEVIN!!!! lmao...

your so
keep dyin
hard to understand sometimes
i like it :D
its interestin,and ur a kool friend

ugh...relationships, why cant i get one!!!???

why cant I find him?
I just want someone who wants me for me
not to fuck me
not to want what they think they can have
I mean yea eventually
or they can keep it to them selves
at least for a while
I wanna be loved
I dont wanna be alone
I wanna be cared for
maybe i have to many wants
Idk, anymore
maybe I should just give up
maybe Im suppose to be alone
I need answers
maybe I have to many questions
Im almost to the point of
fuck guys, I dont need one
even the ones that do hide it or whatever
never feel the same
I really hope I find you soon
maybe I have......Idk

Sunday, May 30, 2010

i miss you.......idk who

I hate how you make me feel,
I hate how you make me nervous,
I hate that I cant get you outta my head,
I hate that I miss you
I love the way you make me laugh,
I love how happy I get just when you text me,
I love how I can talk to you all day,
I love the way you make me smile by the smallest things you say
In the end Im just happy we met
you dont realize how much of a difference my day can be if I dont talk to you
my mood is different,
I feel different,
sometimes I even feel empty
I cant believe you make this much of a difference
i didnt mean for iit to turn out this way


Wednesday, May 26, 2010

random thoughts

secret get away
gettin drunk
actin stupid
the past
hurting me
the hard times
the fun times
falling in
falling for
my friends
the dude
how alone i feel sometimes
how happy i am sometimes
who i am
(will add more)

my place....

my place is filled with
music...of course
my true friends....who wouldnt
and good times.
but when i go there i wanna live there
its like my dream world
sometimes i love it so much i dont wanna wake up
or come back to reality
i like how something different always happens
but when i go back to reality
deep down
i just want to tear everything down
waist my life away
give up
but i know i can get through it
as long as someones there willing to stay beside me
does that make any since?

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

layla :D

my bud layla
i use to think u hated me
then we became IM buddies
and one day i just came over
your easy to talk to
and i can tell u anything
u always understand or feel the same
i love ur crazy side i see once in a while
ur the first person to ever have a BFC with
u can be kinda blah at times but who isnt
i love how im ur chief hahaha
love our
late nights
sneak outs
food craz
monster obsession
sex wanters jk
and watever else i cant think of
thnx for always being there even if u your busy
i love you!!!! :D


sometimes i feel lost
like everythin i once new is gone
everyone i use to know i dont know anymore
my thoughts keep choking me
and replaying over and over in my head
my past wont leave it keeps haunting me
sometimes i just wanna party or do somethin stupid
just to forget my thoughts
even for a second i would love to
i feel like people hate me or dont care what happens
i try to please them
i try to help
i try to care
but they just push me away
or just take what they want
i keep waitin for happy times
when they come they always blow up in my face
i just want to feel
cared for
most of all not alone

my dad...fuck u

u hurt me through k-8 physically
u loosined up and not as much 6-8
and we moved to florida
and i didnt fit ur stupid standards
u said i had a demon in me
and that i couldnt follow ur rules
so u kicked me out
i live with my mom now
things were pretty good between us
distance wise but u just keep fuckin it up
or maybe ur right im the one who has the problem
and maybe i do have depression
but i blame it on u
u treat me like shit
like im a fuckin doll
u do the same to my brothers
u say u believe in god
u act like it but not towards us
i fuckin hate u
i still love u but not very strong
i could careless about u
just like u are with me
i dont think we will ever be close
u say let go of the past and all the stuff u did 2 me
but why? when u still threatin me with shit
i kno i make mistakes and im pretty fucked up with crap
but im not the only one
when ur ready to actually try and not blame it all on me
im here....i guess

my fucked up love

u said u loved me
u said u cared
wat u said was a lie
u hurt me
u made me cry
i believed all your lies
but u dont care
or never did
i dont care any more
ur not a part of my life
and will never be again
i trusted u
now i know the truth
u were never worth the time i took

my new feeling

we use to slightly talk
and give hugs everyonce in a while
i felt somethin but never had the guts
now were alot closer
i trust you with so much
i kinda have crush
but im willing to wait
see where we go
even if it stays just friends
im startin to realize
how much i care
how much i worry
bout u
idk why i just do
u kno im always here
for anythin u need